Looking to Jesus

 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”  Hebrews 12:1  ESV

It's hard to believe that 4 years have passed since we received the news that our youngest son had taken his life. In some ways it feels like yesterday because the terror of those words have not lost their ability to rip apart my heart. Yet, in countless ways, it feels much longer because of the continued lessons on how to follow Christ through the hard, hard times in this life. 

Happy days with his family

We've been blessed to spend time with KJ's oldest son.

The above Scripture says that there is a race set BEFORE us.  Sadly, the first year after our son died, my eyes were not set on that race. Instead, my time was spent looking behind at the why's of shattered dreams and the times I had failed as his mother.  This kind of looking was a heavy weight that caused my feet to stumble and the depression clouded the view of my path. Jesus never meant for me to carry such a heavy load.  

 The good kind of looking back to remember happy times!  

Thankfully, God did not leave me in that dark pit for long and His grace began teaching me to look ahead to the race set before me...looking to Jesus ...who gives everything I need to run this race with endurance...even when life doesn't make sense...ESPECIALLY when life doesn't make sense. Looking to Jesus...who is my example of how to run with endurance...with my eyes set on Him... my exceedingly great prize.

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Today, even though there is a great sadness that sits as a veil over my heart, I must choose to not set my focus on the things I cannot change in the past. Instead, by God's grace alone...

...I press on to reach the end of the race and the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling me. Phil. 3:14 NTL

...leaving behind all the unanswered questions

...and the sin (doubts, worry, fears, condemnation) that so easily entangles

...running with endurance the race set before me

...looking to Jesus, the founder (author) and perfecter (finisher) of my faith!

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my ONLY aim is to FINISH the race and COMPLETE the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace.   Acts 20:24 NIV

                                                                                                      

                           
                         "If you knew" by Kevin (KJ's dad)