"With Hope"

Birthdays

Today my youngest son would have been 33 years old.

Time may heal a lot of things but I don't believe it will ever take away the sadness I feel when I think of him.   Life has marched forward. The busyness of the round of daily duties fills in the moments but a day never passes that I don't think of him... and my heart continues to grieve... for the dreams that were lost. 

 

Yet..

 in the midst of the grief... 

God continues to bless in so many ways

~He has given a greater appreciation 

and thankfulness for loved ones who remain.

 

~He continues to teach me how to battle

 the accusations and lies of the enemy 

with His Truth. 

~ He has given me a greater understanding

of the Gospel. 

~He has loosened my hold 

on this earth a little more.

~He has given a greater anticipation

 for heaven. 

Yes, life has changed but God keeps His promises.. to never leave or forsake us.. to comfort us in our sorrow... and to give grace in our time of need.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:3,4

 

In Acceptance Lieth Peace....

He said, "I will forget the dying faces;
The empty places—
They shall be filled again;
O voices mourning deep within me, cease."
Vain, vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in forgetting lieth peace. 

He said, "I will crowd action upon action,
The strife of faction
Shall stir my spirit to flame;
O tears that drown the fire of manhood, cease."
Vain, vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in endeavour lieth peace. 

He said, "I will withdraw me and be quiet,
Why meddle in life's riot?
Shut be my door to pain.
Desire, thou dost befool me, thou shalt cease."
Vain, vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in aloofness lieth peace.

He said, "I will submit; I am defeated;
God hath depleted
My life of its rich gain.
O futile murmurings; why will ye not cease?"
Vain, vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in submission lieth peace. 

He said, "I will accept the breaking sorrow
Which God to-morrow
Will to His son explain."
Then did the turmoil deep within him cease.
Not vain the word, not vain;
For in acceptance lieth peace.

Amy Carmichael

A Prayer for those Left Behind after Suicide

April 19, 2013 by Paul Tautges 

God of all comfort, who comforts your children in times of affliction, comfort those who are grieving in their time of extreme loss. Minister to the indescribable pain that gnaws at their heart every moment of every day; help them to remember Jesus and His indescribable suffering so that they will run to Him as the faithful and compassionate High Priest for every sinner who turns to Him in repentant faith.

God of peace, govern their hearts in this time of great confusion. Help them to take their thousand questions and “what ifs,” which swirl furiously in their minds, to Jesus, the Prince of Peace who has the power to calm the storm. As the Holy Spirit helps them take their anxieties to you in prayer, flood their souls with the peace that passes all understanding. When they cannot pray—when their hearts and minds are so overtaken by grief that they cannot find a word—remind them that the Holy Spirit prays for true believers when they do not know how to pray.

God of justice and righteousness, steady their minds with the understanding that you know all things, which includes the final state of their loved one’s soul. Let them not place blame upon themselves that does not rightfully belong to them. Remind them that the Judge of all the earth always judges righteously. Let them rest in this. Let them now concentrate on the state of their own soul before their holy Creator and quickly run to Christ as the Redeemer who came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. May they find the assurance of their own salvation, and eternal life, which you promise to those who turn to Jesus Christ.

God of mercy and grace, may they know your presence as you walk with them through this valley of death. May they know—in an experiential, not merely intellectual way—the sufficiency of your grace! Help them to rest in the truth that they do not need to try to live off of yesterday’s supply, but instead drink from the fresh stream of your mercies that are new this very morning.

God of truth, gently lead them to the green pastures of your Word where they will feed their hurting, doubting souls upon all your righteous judgments and faithful promises. Lead them to streams of living water, which flow from Christ who said “the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.”

Heavenly Father, knowing that every one of these requests can only be answered in and through and because of Jesus, draw them close to the Savior who invites them to let Him carry their burden. Hold them close in your loving arms. Cause them to know you more deeply as the Father of mercies and God of all comfort so that their every need will be fully met and they—in time—will become ministers of comfort to others.

[Based on 2 Corinthians 1:3-6; Hebrews 4:15; 1 Thessalonians 5:23; Isaiah 9:6; Philippians 4:6-8; Romans 8:26; Mark 7:37; Daniel 4:37; Psalm 67:4; Luke 5:30; ; 1 John 5:11-13; Psalm 23:4; 2 Corinthians 12:9; Lamentations 3:21-23; Psalm 23:2; 119:7; John 4:14; 2 Corinthians 1:20; Matthew 11:28-30.]

Counseling One Another 

  In all this 

Job did not sin

 or charge 

God with wrong. 

Job 1:22 ESV

So many questions...

The questions parade round my head
No peace, no rest, only mounting dread
When images of his last days crowd my thoughts
How could I have stopped him and spared this loss?

For months I questioned the God I love
“You could have stopped him, Your hand from above
A prompting from You, I would have gone to his side
I could have begged him, perfect words halt the tide
Of pain he was feeling and anguish of soul
Now it’s too late, his body no longer whole."

Regrets and sorrow over what could have been
Must I lay them to rest and only pretend?

Job, too, had his questions laid at Your feet
You answered from the whirlwind, his questions defeat
His friends assumptions of why God allowed
The death of his children… the suffering avowed.

Instead the questioning now came from You,
Was Job at creation when You made all new?
Was he God and able to understand Your plan?
Yet, see how you held him through all in Your hands!

Lord, help me cease striving and set this to rest
Be still, know He's God!  Stop putting Him to the test.

Georgene 

September 2012

Why God? Why?

I spoke in an earlier post about the shame and guilt following my son's decision to end his life. I questioned so many things I did as a mother. I not only questioned myself but I found myself questioning God, too.  Probably the biggest question was, "Why didn't God stop my loved one from killing himself?" Not only was "I" on trial in my thoughts .. but I also attempted to make God defend Himself on the witness stand.

I remember the shock that followed those early months. I couldn't believe that God had allowed this. Hadn't I spent years praying for my son? Hadn't God answered so many of those prayers? I honestly believed that my prayers would be answered in exactly the way I had prayed. I couldn't believe that it had ended this way. I had so many unanswered questions.

I spent unprofitable time pursuing answers to this kind of questioning and it kept me in a prison of darkness. The answer never came... at least not in the way that I was asking the question. It was only after I changed my thinking about God and the situation that I eventually found peace.

While searching for answers I was reminded of the book of Job and how he had lost all of his children unexpectedly. I had spent time in this book after my husband became disabled for I knew that Job had suffered physically.  I now began to sift through those pages again. This time hoping to find out how Job responded to the loss of his children.

I discovered Job had questions, too! *

• Why didn't you let me die at birth? Job 3:11
• Why didn't you dry up my mother's breast so that I would starve? 3:12
• Why do you keep wretched people like me alive? 3:20-22
• How do you expect me to have hope and patience? 6:11
• What do you think I'm made of anyway? Stone? Metal? 6:12
• If life is so short, does it have to be miserable, too? 7:1-10
• Why don't you back off and quit hurting me for awhile? 7:17,19
• What did I ever do to You that I became the target for Your arrows? 7:20
• Why don't You forgive me before I die and it's too late? 7:21
• How can mortal man be righteous before a holy God? 9:2
• Why do You favor the wicked? 9:24
• Since You've already decided I'm guilty, why should I even try?  9:29
• You're the one who created me, so why are You destroying me? 10:8
• Why do You hide Your face and consider me Your enemy? 13:24
• Why don't You let me meet You somewhere face to face so I can state my case? 23:3-6
• Why don't You set a time to judge wicked men? 24:1

I discovered that Job did not find comfort by his questioning either. 

The answer I was looking for was found towards the end of the book. God asks Job this heart probing question, "Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?"  God might as well have asked that question of me! "Georgene, where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me if you have understanding."

God then begins interrogating Job with His own round of questions. Questions that will make it clear that Job lacks the knowledge and understanding to interpret life's difficult questions.

Here are just a few:

• Who made the limits for the sea saying how far it could go?
• Have you entered the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep? 
• Have you commanded the morning to appear?
• Were you there when I (God) laid the foundation of the earth?
• Have you commanded the morning since your days began and caused the dawn to know it's place?
• Have you entered the storehouses of snow? 

God ends His first round of questioning by saying, "Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty? He who argues with God, let him answer it." (Job 40:2)

Job's response is life changing:

"I am of small account; what shall I answer you? I lay my hand on my mouth". Job 40:4

What changed Job's heart? What stopped the questioning? His body was still covered in painful sores. His children were still dead. His wealth was gone. What laid his questions to rest?

We finally get a glimpse of what is going on in Job's heart, "I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.  I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you." (Job 42:3)

Job bowed beneath the majestic greatness of his God. The complaining stopped and so did the questions because his view of God had been exalted. God was elevated to the rightful place of sovereign King who alone rules in wisdom over the universe He created.

"I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes. (Job 42:5,6)

This is where I laid my questions to rest. I was incapable of rightly judging this situation because I was not God. I was brought to that same place of humility, as my brother Job, where I bowed my heart in humility and said, "I repent for questioning you God. You alone are God and I choose to trust your character...even (and especially) through this dark valley that I do not understand".

You keep him in perfect peace  

whose mind is stayed on you

 because 

   he trusts in you. 

  Isaiah 26:3 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

It became clear that I didn't have to find an answer to life's unanswerable questions. 


The tormenting thoughts slowed down to a trickle once I made the decision to trust God! Keeping close watch over my thought life became essential in the coming days. God gave abundant grace to take each thought captive with Scripture,

... take every thought captive to obey Christ.. (2 Cor. 10:5)

and then to renew my mind according to the truth of Scripture.

...to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life 

and is corrupt through deceitful desires,  

and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds,  

and to put on the new self, 

created after the likeness of God 

in true righteousness and holiness.  

Ephesians 4:22-24

The accusing thoughts and questions still bombard my thoughts at times. But, now they are greeted as an unwelcomed guest where before I would allow them to take up residency.  I'm learning (again) that I must choose to obey His Word and trust Him.... today... in this moment.. and in this heart breaking trial. 

Be still, and know that I am God. 

I will be exalted among the nations.

 I will be exalted in the earth!”  

Psalm 46:10

* Permission granted to use these questions from Secret Strength by Joni Eareckson Tada.
   Scriptures used from the ESV bible. Underlining is my emphasis.