Thursday, December 12, 2013

Choosing to SEE

The holidays can be difficult for those who have lost a loved one to suicide. I am learning again that I must keep tight reign on my thoughts. Otherwise, the enemy gets a foothold. I wrote out scriptures again and placed them where they were easily accessible so that when my mind is bombarded with thoughts of shame, doubt or depression I can run to the sword of the Word and do battle!

I've been slowly reading through Mary Beth Chapman's (Steven Curtis Chapman's wife) book called Choosing to See. Her older son accidentally ran over their younger daughter and killed her in the driveway of their home. I kept noticing this book in the stores but I didn't think I could handle reading about their extreme sadness and loss. Finally I saw it at a thrift store for a dollar so I bought it. I had to skip through some of the pages. I just couldn't bare it. But, I have gained some valuable nuggets as I've watched this godly family work through their grief.

I don't necessarily understand or agree with every method used in their process of grieving. They are human--just as I am--and none of us 'do life' perfectly. 

Here are a just a few quotes from her book that blessed me:

I think I am realizing something through all of the craziness. Yes, God wants my quiet, and yes, God wants me to rest and hear Him and learn from Him.  But all along, in the crazy last two weeks where I hardly had time to think, I realized that if I always think that I am going to finally get to that place where I am constantly trying to get--like in a quiet, picked-up house--then I am wrong. 

I need to choose to SEE Christ in every birthday party I drive to, every piano lesson that gets taught, every ballet tutu that gets twirled. God is with me.  He isn't waiting until I die for me to be with Him.  He isn't waiting until BB season is over or until I get completely healthy.  He SEES me now.  He is with me now.  I know this is a simple realization, but it was big good news to me. 

I don't want to forget... I want to remember.. God was with Maria on May 21 and God is with Mary Beth on March 10.

I have found that even during those times when the path is darkest, He leaves little bits of evidence all along the way --bread crumbs of grace--that can give me what I need to take the next step. But I can only find them if I choose to SEE. 

May we all CHOOSE TO SEE that God is absolutely with us .. each and every day... and especially through this holiday season.