It's hard to believe that 4 years have passed since we received the news that our youngest son had taken his life. In some ways it feels like yesterday because the terror of those words have not lost their ability to rip apart my heart. Yet, in countless ways, it feels much longer because of the continued lessons on how to follow Christ through the hard, hard times in this life.
|Happy days with his family|
|We've been blessed to spend time with KJ's oldest son.|
The good kind of looking back to remember happy times!
Thankfully, God did not leave me in that dark pit for long and His grace began teaching me to look ahead to the race set before me...looking to Jesus ...who gives everything I need to run this race with endurance...even when life doesn't make sense...ESPECIALLY when life doesn't make sense. Looking to Jesus...who is my example of how to run with endurance...with my eyes set on Him... my exceedingly great prize.
Today, even though there is a great sadness that sits as a veil over my heart, I must choose to not set my focus on the things I cannot change in the past. Instead, by God's grace alone...
...I press on to reach the end of the race and the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling me. Phil. 3:14 NTL
...leaving behind all the unanswered questions
...and the sin (doubts, worry, fears, condemnation) that so easily entangles
...running with endurance the race set before me
...looking to Jesus, the founder (author) and perfecter (finisher) of my faith!
"If you knew" by Kevin (KJ's dad)